So, you may or may not know that for the past 7 months I’ve been wonderfully and stress-fully unemployed. Now I say wonderfully because it has allowed me to to spend large amounts of time with myself which I haven’t done in….ever, I’ve been able to do a lot of things and go where the wind takes me, and the pressures of the 9-5 or just plain crazy schedule were non-existent. I have been working part time with my Aunt which has been a blessing and it’s definitely not a situation that sucks all the fun out of life. I also technically work in a flower shop but it’s going on 3 weeks of not being called in. Anyway, it’s been stressful because I make it that way. I’ve talked about it before and I don’t really want to entertain that negativity in this post sooooo you can read a little about that here.
Also as you may or may not know, when I left my job I started on the mad hunt for guidance and clarity and help and I started following all kinds of blogs like Clarity on Fire, Marc & Angel Hack Life, and one of my favorites, Marie Forleo. Well this week, Marie gifted us a great video that asks 3 simple questions to help you wrap up this year and start the new year on the right foot. Now, I’ve really been feeling the God in me lately so I’m on this “time is irrelevant” kick. I’ve had some pretty great breakthroughs lately (which I’ll share in due time) but whatever comes of this self reflecting you don’t have to wait ’til 2017. Just start now. For real. Our minds enjoy benchmarks and significant dates and the OCD in us wants everything to be complete and full circle but really, we can start right now, or tomorrow, or next week, or yesterday. So lets get to it and see what we’ve learned..
- What did I do, create, or experience that I’m really proud of?
When I first asked myself this question I was pretty sure I’d draw blank. But the list progressively got longer and longer. We really sell ourselves short sometimes. But really this year was filled with some great things. I wont name them all but some of my favs were traveling to New York for the first time. Not only was it a birthday trip but it was on our dime, for a week, and we went to Washington D.C too! My actual birthday was THE greatest! I was surprised by so many people that showed up, it was so much fun, I really felt the love. I got reconnected with myself, got back to drawing/painting, read A LOT, started this blog, reconnected with and made new friends, and I left a job that was not fulfilling to me anymore. That last one might sound cheesy but I was told recently that my loyalty is both a blessing and curse. There’s this fine line between being loyal and staying when you shouldn’t. And crossing that line is scary! I mean so far I’ve been beyond blessed with opportunities opening up for me and keeping me afloat but, lets be real, I’m not exactly where I want to be, I don’t have much in my savings account, I feel a little stagnant, it’s stressful. But I wasn’t staying for the money. I was staying because I didn’t want to let anyone down or hurt anyone’s feelings. But, staying for those reasons are letting them (and you) down and hurting them (and you). It took a lot for me to realize that the longer I stayed and was unhappy the more the trust was broken, the more I felt like I didn’t care about my work, the more I felt like they didn’t have my best interest in mind, and the more I felt unappreciated and like I didn’t appreciate them. And it was a messy situation. I’m not going to lie, things could have been handled better from both sides but I learned a lot, I appreciate the time I spent there, and it’s still one of the best places I’ve worked. And really, that can be translated across all relationships! Loyalty is so good. But it’s also good to know when to say when and leave with the utmost respect and appreciation. Which leads to the question…
- What mistakes did I make that taught me lessons?
Uuuuh, I don’t make mistakes. JK. I think I need more reflecting on the actual “mistakes” I made but I can for sure say that things could have been handled differently which is a lesson itself: don’t let revenge or reactionary actions guide you. No one likes getting hurt or feeling like they’re unappreciated and taken advantage of but that doesn’t mean you should retaliate or even react at all. Just let it pass and if you feel you need to say something come from a place of understanding and honesty. And I don’t know what exactly caused these other lessons but I’ve learned to value honesty much much more, appreciate alone time, that it’s okay to love from afar, that slumps and funks happen and we get through them (it’ll be okay), oh, and of course to eat before drinking hard alcohol. I’ve kind of always known that but life has a funny (actually not so funny at all) way of sending us some friendly little reminders.
- What am I willing to let go of?
Considering all the self-help blogs and books I’ve been reading, and the self-reflection I’ve done, and the things “life” has removed from my life, I’d say there’s a good amount of letting go that needs to be done. One of those being my story. I fiiiiiinally finished reading The Power of Now and that book flipped the script for me. It took me forever to read and was a lot to take in but it was worth every word. One thing that is talked about in the book is letting go of your story and how that terrifies people because “who would we be without it?” And it couldn’t be more true. Reading that opened my eyes to how I use my story to justify and sometimes make excuses for what I have or don’t have, what I am or am not willing to do and that’s just stunting my growth. I see the value in knowing your story and acknowledging how it got you to this point HOWEVER we have every moment as an opportunity to switch it up and say “Hey, I’m breaking these chains! I’ve already felt the pain of X, Y, Z, so now I can let all the feelings, preconceived notions, stereotypes, prejudices, skewed ways of thinking, etc. etc. go and live in this moment right now and take advantage of the clean slate that this moment presents.” Who am I without “my story”? I’m everything I was created to be. I’m infinite possibility. I’m exactly who I was when I was born and only knew life and joy. And that’s all I need to move forward. I’m willing to let go of my idea of what life’s supposed to be like. I have goals and desires but I guess I’m willing to let go of my thinking that life is supposed to unfold a certain way. Or limiting myself to only my thinking. For all I know God has something so much better in mind. And there’s a few other things on my list of letting go but really it all comes down to letting go of the limitations, the fears, the anger, the sadness, all the things that keep you from being your best self. JUST LET GO.
And there you have it! I didn’t share EVERYTHING I put on my list because it’s a little extensive and a bit personal in some aspects but I tried to share some major revelations. And as far as 2017, it could start tomorrow if it wants. Except I don’t want to skip Christmas because I got some fun gifts for the people in my life and I’m super excited for Christmas to happen. **insert excited emoji here** But other than that, 2017 I’m ready for you! And super shout out to the God/Universe for not presenting a job for me for the past 7 months so I can learn to love me and you better. It’s been good even when I didn’t think it was good!
And with that, I invite you all back to the blog on Sunday for a post that is near and dear to my heart. It’s Cookie Day…