I got a little bit lost and the #30daysofgratitude I was following stopped posting topics soooo, I’ll just start typing and see what we get. lol
Uuuummmm where to start. I’m convinced the ultra super moon (or whatever it’s called) and probably PMS had me flip turned upside down the past week. I just was not feeling it! Last Saturday I had a little mental break down. Between not having a job, not having my own place, feeling lonely and like I’m starting all over with EVERYTHING, I just felt completely overwhelmed. (queue the tears) I hadn’t had a breakdown in a while so maybe I was due for one lol BUT this one was different. In the grand scheme of things I typically don’t mind breakdowns because I think they’re strong indicators that change needs to happen or that something just isn’t right, but in the moment they suck! Not just the feelings but I usually stress out because I’m like “C’mon Roxanne, stop being dramatic.” But like I said, this one was different. In the past I’ve broken down pretty hard. I’ve been mad at the world, feeling super hopeless, not knowing what’s wrong, and not knowing what to do to fix it. This time, I was having a little tug of war with myself because I was feeling horrible but at the same time I was having a positive dialogue with myself. I was feeling angry and hurt and let down and discouraged but I was saying “things will get better”, “you got this”, “it’s okay to cry”, “how are you going to change this?” Which I recognized and kind of allowed me to ease out of the down I was in and also made me proud of how far I’ve come. 🙂
It also brought me back to the belief that breakdowns aren’t finish lines, just indicators. So I got through it. Obviously. lol. And throughout the week I worked on figuring out what I need to do to feel better. Which is really the important part of all of this. I found some closure, I stepped back and spent some time alone, I got rest, I started another job, I worked on a small project, I spent time with family… I did things that made me feel good and allowed me to be in my emotions. One thing that sets be back when I’m not feeling in the best of moods is pretending to be in a good mood when I’m not. It makes me feel worse. I’d rather just sit in my emotions and really feel them and listen to them and try to figure out what I need rather than go to work and put on a happy face and be around people pretending to be happy. I totally get that that’s not always possible so, #blessed at the fact that I was able to do that. So, I guess the week wasn’t all that bad from that point of view. lol. Which I’m grateful for! I’m grateful for progress, and breakdowns that promote change, and the courage to actually make changes. (insert dancing emoji)
Howeveeeeer, among all the “negative” emotions are blessings on blessings on blessing that we sometimes fail to notice and appreciate. Aaaaaaaand I can’t let that happen. So, here’s a list of some things I was grateful for this week because #30DaysOfGratitude…
- I worked on a little “Good Luck” project where I had to draw a bunch of little characters. It came out pretty dope. I was proud. lol I was really into it and getting into that zone is good for my creative soul. And it was for a good cause. lol It was a good luck project for my friend that’s making movies and chasing dreams. #inspiring
- I started another part time job at a flower shop. I’ve always low key wanted to work at a flower shop cuz flower design is an under appreciated art form and because I’m a girl that loves flowers. In fact, my first day this guy came in and wanted to buy enough roses to fill the trunk of the car! #SoRomantical He opted for 48 roses, the bouquet was huge and soooo beautiful. *sigh*
- I celebrated my friend Lauren’s 25th birthday!! Gov Love! Shogun’s was on and poppin! It was a good time and I got to spend time with Lauren and Jazmine a.k.a. The Govs which is always a good time. #OhYouDidntKnow
- I spent time with my mom, my grandpa, and some family which is always good for the soul.
- I went to my first Friendsgiving at my friend Amanda’s and it was such a good time. I met some super cool people, caught up with old friends, introduced people to my favorite sparkling wine: Wilson Creek Almond Champagne, and just got to let my hair down.
There were probably more that aren’t coming to mind right now buuuut I can’t write a whole blog about my slump and act like life isn’t good and working in my favor. Be grateful. Love yourself. Love life. Love, always.
P.S. Some fun thoughts for the week:
Don’t be afraid to love. Don’t be afraid of love. I hope everyone gives and receives unconditional love. Don’t be afraid to tell someone you love them and don’t be afraid when someone tells you they love you.
The year is coming to an end but don’t wait for the new year to start to set goals and start working on them. Now is the perfect time. I want to plan a trip. Work on some certifications. Get a job. Move out. Lets get it!