Life has been happening and it’s been good and I’ve been soaking it all in!
On top of life happening, I’ve also been thinking about the blog and how I want it to be presented and should I post every day or is that too much? Pretty much all the things that take the fun out of blogging and is the opposite of “unbound” so on my way home I told myself “Just do it Roxanne!” Also, shout out to my awesome friends that have been supportive and asking about the blog and super shout out to my accountability partner (new name pending) that has really been holding me accountable for all things great (including this post). It’s highly recommended that everyone get an accountability partner (again, new name pending).
Anywho, It’s #ManCrushMonday and the first week I started this blog I knew on this day specifically I wanted to do a super special #mcm post to a man that inspires me everyday (without even being here) to live life with heart: my Nino, Timmy. Unfortunately my nino passed away last year but he was one of the most fearless, funny, and loving man I knew. It’s his birthday today so I want to celebrate his life and all the amazing memories he left us with. After he passed away I was asked to speak at his funeral and it forced me to think about what he really meant to me. He was always joking around mostly about the wind blowing the hair right off his head (he was balding) and he dropped f-bombs a lot which weirdly always sounded so funny coming out of his mouth. But he was also so ridiculously considerate. He didn’t talk much and wasn’t necessarily the life of the party but he always meant what he said and lived the life he wanted regardless of what anyone had to say about it.
I remember thinking how ironic it was that he died of a weak heart because he really lived with so much of it. He suffered a few heart attacks and lived through a couple open heart surgeries during his life which meant that this time around, the surgery was extra risky. Coming out of surgery I think we all expected him to bounce back like he did before and we can keep living and take more trips that he’d plan but his heart was too weak and couldn’t function on its own and little by little his body was starting to shut down. We all knew that even if by some miracle he made it, he’d have to make a complete lifestyle change and become best friends with the doctor and he wasn’t about that life. He lived with no limits.
At his funeral, I read a poem I wrote about him (which is posted below). It’s written from what would be his point of view but is also how I viewed him. Happy Birthday to one of my all time favorite #ManCrushes, my Nino, Timmy. He taught me to live life with passion, the way I want to and as he would say “Well, if they don’t like it, too fuckin’ bad!” And to be generous and sneak a $20 into someones purse if they mentioned that they’re struggling to pay bills, thanks nino 😉 . XO
Can You Hear My Heartbeat?
I was given this heart
It may be scarred and bruised
But I want you to know that my heart,
It beats for you.
When I work too much
And you tell me to rest
And my legs go weak
And the pain creeps into my chest
I don’t mean to defy you
It’s just that my heart,
It beats for you.
It’s just that I want to see you smile
And I want to make you laugh
So I’ll say things you might not understand.
And I want to show you places you’ve never seen
And I want to see things too
And even if I can’t go,
I’ll plan a trip for you.
And I’ll give you advice
Or we can dance all night
Because really, I just want to feel alive.
And I want to give you nice things
And I want to take care of you
Because this heart that was given to me
Really, it just beats for you.
So can you hear it?
Can you hear my heartbeat?
Even after they tried to fix
What we couldn’t see was broken,
After they told us your heart was weak
And your soul escaped your body,
I can still feel it.
I can hear your heartbeat.